


That's how I know you love me

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: F/F, Jealousy, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-02
Updated: 2010-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 05:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/83572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meiling thought that of her and Tomoyo, she was clearly going to be the difficult one in the relationship.  But lately she's been starting to think that Tomoyo is even worse than she is at getting over her old crush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's how I know you love me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreximgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dreximgirl).



For the third time in a week, Meilin had tried to arrange a date with Tomoyo, and for the third time Tomoyo had refused because she was too busy sewing. For the first time since they had started dating, Meilin wondered whether she was really the one who was having trouble getting over an old crush.

Mutual loneliness, she had always known, was not necessarily the best grounds for a relationship. Meilin loved Syaoran; Tomoyo loved Sakura; Sakura and Syaoran loved each other. There was no happy solution to that problem as far as Meilin could see. When things reached the point at which she could no longer deny that she was going to lose her fiancée to a clumsy Japanese girl with a magic wand, she had run to Tomoyo's house not expecting to run into her arms. She had been looking for reassuring words, not a kiss. But Tomoyo was eager, and Meilin was lonely, and she took what she could get.

Meilin hadn't expected it to last. She thought it would just be one night, and then it became two, and then more. She didn't do it on purpose. It was just that it was tiring to fight down her anger every time she saw Syaoran and Sakura together, the fond glances, or the blushing or the hands almost touching. When Sakura talked about Syaoran so sweetly and naively, as if their love was a beautiful, innocent, fresh thing that had never hurt anybody in the process, oh no. When she had to listen to Syaoran talk about Sakura and seeing his face light up in a way that it never, ever had for her. One kiss turned into more because every time Meilin thought she was going to be sick trying to keep her jealousy inside, Tomoyo's hand would find its way into hers, untangling the clenched fists and twining their fingers together.

Tomoyo always seemed like the stronger one. Tomoyo never got angry, and she didn't have to fight herself to keep from hitting Syaoran every time he touched the girl she loved. Tomoyo would never want to hurt Syaoran, even if she could. She loved him. Where Meilin's unrequited feelings led to envy and rage, Tomoyo was just happy to see that the girl she loved was happy.

If Meilin loved Syaoran, shouldn't she be happy that he was with someone he loved? But she wasn't happy for him, she never was, because she was selfish with Syaoran, and she was selfish with Tomoyo, too.

Tomoyo never talked about the way she loved Sakura. Meilin always talked about how much she loved Syaoran. How could she be in a relationship with a girl and spend all their time together talking about how she was in love with someone else? Tomoyo never complained. She just sat and listened, and then leaning in to kiss her when the tirade of jealous anger had run its course.

It wasn't fair on Tomoyo, Meilin thought, because Tomoyo was amazing. She was the kindest and most selfless person that Meilin had ever met. She still showered Sakura with her love even though she expected nothing in return, from the Valentine's Day chocolates to the clothes she still made for her all the time. And she was amazing because she was dating someone selfish enough to use her for comfort and give her absolutely nothing in return. Tomoyo deserved to be loved, not just used, and she deserved to be loved by someone just as incredible as her.

Meilin thought to herself, quite often, that she should break it off, so that Tomoyo could be free to meet the amazing person who would love her the way she should be loved. Yet after almost a year together, here she was, staring at the phone in her hand and feeling annoyed that her girlfriend was sewing clothes for Sakura instead of hanging out with her.

What would Tomoyo do in this situation, she wondered? She would smile and wish everyone the best. When Tomoyo loved people, she didn't complain. She would never complain about her girlfriend being in love with someone else, and being obvious about it, because Tomoyo was selfless like that.

But she wasn't Tomoyo. She was Meilin Li.

She wasn't perfect, and she knew it. She was jealous, sometimes selfish, blunt and ignorant of other people's feelings and sometimes overly concerned about her own. She had spent the last year wishing she were more selfless, like Tomoyo. But maybe being Tomoyo wasn't such a great thing either, she reflected, as she grabbed her coat and rushed out of the house on the familiar road to Tomoyo's place. Maybe Tomoyo should stick up for herself more. Maybe Tomoyo should complain when Meilin went on a date with her and spent the whole time complaining about Syaoran. Maybe if Tomoyo said all of these things, she'd have a girlfriend who really appreciated her.

Or maybe she could have that already, if she could stop being quite so obsessed with a girl who was never going to love her the way she wanted.

"Tomoyo! I want to talk to you!" Meilin declared, when she slammed Tomoyo's bedroom door open.

"Meilin! How did you get in?" Tomoyo looked startled, then hastily shuffled about to try to hide what was on her sewing table. That was weird, and made Meilin a bit curious, but she wasn't going to be distracted. She came here for a reason.

"Your mother let me in. But anyway, I want to talk!" She pointed a finger at her bewildered girlfriend. "I know I have been an absolutely terrible girlfriend for you, because I keep talking about how I'm in love with Syaoran. But I don't think you're any better! Even if you don't get angry and jealous about Sakura the way I do about Syaoran, and even though you're really happy for Sakura and I used to just wish Sakura would go away… huh, that was pretty nasty of me… but you see what I mean, you are sort of a better person…" She paused for a moment, frowning, then jumped up and pointed again. "But despite all of that, you're still obsessed with Sakura! You still make clothes for her all the time instead of going out with me! And maybe you think it's really convenient to date someone who's in love with somebody else because you can get away with still spending all your time on Sakura, but, but, I've had enough!"

She paused just in case Tomoyo wanted to say something. She'd learned, gradually, to do that, because otherwise Tomoyo would just sit and listen to her politely for half an hour without even trying to get a word in. This time, though, Tomoyo seemed to be speechless.

"So… um… I think we can both be better than that, because if people are going to be together they should really love each other with all their effort! Sakura has Syaoran now, so I think you should try to stop being so into her and… um… and I'll try not to talk about Syaoran so much." It was hard for Meilin to keep up her momentum when she was shouting at Tomoyo. It was easy to keep being angry at Sakura, because she was clueless, or at Syaoran, because he always had that stupid antagonising frown, but she couldn't stay angry at Tomoyo, because Tomoyo just sat there and listened, being her beautiful, amazing self. "So… er… what do you say, Tomoyo?"

Tomoyo took a moment to react. She just sat there for a while, before she quietly said "You don't talk about Syaoran any more."

"Oh. I don't? Really?"

There seemed to be some amusement in her eyes, and a twitch at her mouth that was on the verge of turning into something else. "No. Not nearly as much as you used to. You don't seem very jealous these days at all." Then, abruptly, Tomoyo's face broke into a huge grin and she flew across the room to hug her.

"Meilin, I'm so glad!"

"Really?" Meilin patted her back, feeling bewildered. "I'm pretty sure I just told you off for making clothes for Sakura, which is, like, your favourite thing in the world or something."

"But I'm not making clothes for Sakura," Tomoyo kissed her, and then giggled. "It was supposed to be a surprise, to celebrate us having been together for a year, but I guess it's all for the best because now I can measure it properly. It wouldn't be much of a gift if it didn't fit you, would it?"


End file.
